At last, the perfect preacher has been found. After hundreds of years, a model preacher has been found to suit everyone. He preaches exactly 20 minutes then sits down. His lessons are deep and shallow. He condemns sin, but he never hurts anyone’s feelings.
He works from 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. in every type of work, from preaching to custodial service. He makes $60.00 a week, wears good clothes, buys good books regularly, has a nice family, drives a good car and gives $30.00 a week to the church. He also stands ready to contribute to every good work that comes along.
He is 26 years old, has been preaching 30 years, and was 55 his last birthday. He is tall and short, thin and heavy-set, and handsome. He has one brown eye and one blue one. He parts his hair in the middle. The left side is dark and straight; the right side is brown and wavy. He wears a mustache only on the right side of his upper lip, with the other side bare.
He works tirelessly with teenagers, and spends all his time with older folks. He smiles all the time with a straight face because he has a sense of humor that is keeping him seriously dedicated to his work.
He makes 15 calls a day on church members, visits all the sick in the hospitals and at home even when he doesn’t know they are sick. He spends all his time evangelizing the “unchurched,” and is never out of his office. He is not married but his wife is a wonderful helper in his work and is well loved by the whole church. He has no children, but his kids are the meanest ones in the church! He expects nothing from those in his Bible classes, but the members where he preaches are the best Bible students in the area.
An excerpt from Preachers and Preaching, by James Needham. p64